I know that Adam and I have not posted in months, but its due to the fact that I (Emily) have started my first teaching job. I am a 4th grade teacher in a large Lutheran school in Orange, CA. This Call was definitely a blessing to us as Adam was able to stay with his job and we did not have to move. BUT I feel very defeated right now. I know that God will never put me in a situation that I cannot handle, but I feel that I am questioning this every day. I am exhausted, worn down, brain dead, uncomfortable, and again--defeated. Everybody told me how hard this first year was going to be, but I am finding that I am losing my drive to teach, my ability to juggle work, friends, and family, and my time to unwind (I just can't). Things that I love to do, I haven't done in months--work out, cook, read, hangout with friends, etc. Its come to the point where I am scared to read my school email because I am tired and scared to see messages from school and parents.
I am so sorry that I am full of complaints, but I feel that this space is some place where I can say my mind without a ton of people seeing and judging that I am always complaining. I hate that I complain, but I am just not happy. I LOVE the school and the people there, but I do not love what I have become.
*lots of tears and sighs
