I know that Adam and I have not posted in months, but its due to the fact that I (Emily) have started my first teaching job. I am a 4th grade teacher in a large Lutheran school in Orange, CA. This Call was definitely a blessing to us as Adam was able to stay with his job and we did not have to move. BUT I feel very defeated right now. I know that God will never put me in a situation that I cannot handle, but I feel that I am questioning this every day. I am exhausted, worn down, brain dead, uncomfortable, and again--defeated. Everybody told me how hard this first year was going to be, but I am finding that I am losing my drive to teach, my ability to juggle work, friends, and family, and my time to unwind (I just can't). Things that I love to do, I haven't done in months--work out, cook, read, hangout with friends, etc. Its come to the point where I am scared to read my school email because I am tired and scared to see messages from school and parents.
I am so sorry that I am full of complaints, but I feel that this space is some place where I can say my mind without a ton of people seeing and judging that I am always complaining. I hate that I complain, but I am just not happy. I LOVE the school and the people there, but I do not love what I have become.
*lots of tears and sighs
You'll get there, Em. I'm with you. I just finished my 1st month in full time ministry and it is HARD! The most important thing, I think, is to separate school/work from home/personal life. It's difficult to compartmentalize your life like that, but without it, you'll drown. At least I know I would. I probably won't have to do that forever, but at least at 1st, I need to.
ReplyDeleteAnd the other thing is that I think, without a doubt, that starting a career is the hardest thing in the WORLD! They don't teach you most of the stuff you need to know. You'll get there. Hang in there. Keep praying. Keep seeking God's will and He'll point it out to you. He'll put you where he wants you. I know it. Love you, girl.
I know it's hard Emily. Try and find one night a week that just you and Adam go out and do something. I try my hardest not to bring stuff home from work because I want that time at home to be able to do what I enjoy, and to not worry about work. Make sure you take time for you, even if it is only one night a week at first. :D
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